When the anima and animus come together, they create Syzygy, a term that represents the same kind of cohesive whole Plato described when the two halves of sundered humans wrap their arms around one another once again become one.

In real life, finding and getting along with your "other half" is difficult. Have you ever read a story in which the characters constantly misunderstand, insult, and stonewall each other, yet by the last page you're to believe that they will live happily ever after with none of the conflict that filled every page before the last? In real life, it doesn't work that way, and it shouldn't in fiction, either. Conflict is the engine that keeps every story going, and the love relationships between your characters are one of the most important parts of that engine.

Think about it this way: There's no way Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would settle down without ever arguing again, but what fun would they be if they did?

Notes, References, and Further Reading

• A nice discussion of the Double is available at http://www.aislingmagazine.com/aislingmagazine/articles/TAM24/TheDouble.html
• Plato's Symposium is available in multiple places online, but I usually use http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html

• Buss, David. (2003). Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, Second Edition. Allyn & Bacon
• Buss, David.(2003). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
• Gottman, John. Various. Forget those other books, Gottman's are the real deal. His research is some of the most compelling in couples and marital therapy and is often used by therapists.
• Von Franz, M. L. (1964). The Process of Individuation. In (Ed.) Carl J
  Searching for CLUEs: What Homebuyers & Sellers Need to Know About Homeowners Insurance
  Homebuyers and sellers should be aware about issues involving homeowners insurance and the C.L.U.E. database. C.L.U.E. stands for Comprehensive Loss Underwriting Exchange and is a collection of homeowners insurance claim history enabling insurance companies to access five years worth of prior claim information to evaluate risks. The database is maintained by Choice Point Inc., a private Georgia firm, and contains over 40 million claims records on houses in all 50 states. Over 90 percent of insurers providing homeowners coverage provide data to the CLUE system.In the same way that having a bad credit record affects your ability to finance a home, negative information in the CLUE database can affect whether a purchaser can get a homeowners insurance policy and at what cost. Many homebuyers are facing the grim reality of the decreasing availability and affordability of homeowners insurance. When a homeowner applies for insurance on a property, the insurance company will usually check the CLUE database to see what claims or reports of damage are on file about the property, and may charge higher premiums or possibly decline to offer insurance coverage. Without homeowners insurance it is nearly impossible to obtain a mortgage loan and in most instances a sale will fall through. Sellers of properties who never made an insurance claim but only lived in the house for a short period of time may be unaware of potential
  Mary Sue's Always Been Out There: The Perfect Hero and the Perfect Heroine

  Every archetype has a positive and a negative side. As we saw in the Three-Dimensional Villains article, the villain is the negative aspect of the shadow, while creativity is the positive. To further complicate things, everyone has both anima and animus--the anima is just more evident in the male and the animus in the female.

  The Influence of the Animus: Women's Heroes and Heroines

  It's easy to create an ideal man or woman for your stories. If you're female, your ideal woman is usually a Mary Sue (your idea of the perfect woman--usually smart, sexy, hyper-competent, and of course devastatingly gorgeous), while your idealized love interest takes the shape of your animus. If he's dark and dangerous, you're projecting negative animus; if he's sensitive and committed, you're projecting positive animus. In most cases, you'll probably see both. (Please note that many if not most writers avoid using their ideals in pure form, and recognizing them is not the same thing as falling prey to them.)

  Animus

  The positive animus is assertive, thoughtful, rational, powerful, courageous, objective, honorable, and wise, qualities embodied by characters like King Arthur, Prince Charming, Robin Hood, Zorro, and modern superheroes like Superman.

  Female characters with strong animuses are usually quite feminine, but rather than drawing strength from seduction or manipulation, they draw it from something inside, like Lois Lane (Superman), Princess Leia (Star Wars) or Ellen Ripley (Alien).

  The negative animus also carries shadow qualities in that it's ruthless, opinionated, destructive, brutal, reckless, and cold in the way Bluebeard, Harry Potter's Voldemort, and Superman's Lex Luthor are. Female villains like Cruella deVil, Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and the Wicked Witch of the West all have strong negative animuses.

  According to Jungian scholar Marie-Louise Von Franz:

  The male personification of the unconscious in the woman -- the animus -- exhibits both good and bad aspects, as does the anima in man. But the animus does not so often appear in the form of an erotic fantasy or mood [as the anima often does to men]...even in a woman who is outwardly very feminine the animus can be an equally hard and inexorable power. One may suddenly find oneself up against something in a woman that is obstinate, cold and completely inaccessible.

  The Influence of the Anima: Men's Heroes and Heroines

  If you're male, your ideal man is usually a Marty Stu (your idea of the perfect male--clever, powerful, handsome, and super-capable) and your idealized love interest is your anima. If she's a femme fatale, you're projecting negative anima; if she's lady, you're projecting positive anima.

  Anima

  The positive anima provides guidance and is patient, compassionate, tender, nurturing, intuitive, life-giving, loving, and considerate, embodied by mythological priestesses and sibyls as well as characters like Snow White, the Virgin Mary, Peter Pan's Wendy, Beatrice in Dante's Paradiso, and Belle in Beauty and the Beast. In stories, anima figures teach heroes to recognize these qualities in themselves: think Maria in the Sound of Music, Cosette in Les Miserables, and Arwen in The Lord of the Rings. Male characters with positive animas have heart without being weak, like Christian from Moulin Rouge, Cameron from 10 Things I Hate About You, and Wesley from the Princess Bride.

  The negative anima carries shadow qualities in that it's moody, uncertain, vain, catty, dangerously tempting, insecure, overbearing, and hypersensitive, embodied by characters like the Greek Sirens, the German Lorelei or the Slavonic Ruskala, wicked witches and wicked stepmothers, the vain Queen in Snow White, or Maleficent in Disney's Sleeping Beauty. In stories, these women are often difficult or dangerous but often alluring, like Mystique in the X-Men films or the Dark Phoenix in the X-Men comics. Male characters with negative animas are moody, unpredictable, and dangerous like Commodus in the film Gladiator.

  Antiheroes

  Some characters have both positive and negative aspects of the anima or animus, creating anti-heroes, flawed heroes, and sympathetic villains.

  In the film Terminator 2, Sarah Connor's positive animus is evident in her heroic determination to save her son and the world, but her negative animus is also strong in that her methods are often brutal and heartless.

  In Gladiator, as noted above, Commodus displays a strong negative anima in that he's petulant and emotional, but he's also drawn strongly to the kind of positive anima he can't find in himself, embodied by his sister Lucilla.

  Gone with the Wind's Scarlett O'Hara has a strong positive animus that displays determination, independence, and protectiveness, but she also has a lot of unpleasant anima qualities--she's given to histrionics and manipulative ploys.

  Falling in Love is Easier than Making it Last

  The anima and animus may help us find passionate relationships, but research shows that there are a lot of things that can destroy them. From a Jungian perspective, a relationship is doomed to crumble when you're real-life lover can't live up to the idealized image of the anima or animus you've projected.

  Story characters who fall in love with a fantasy--like Scarlett O'Hara's infatuation with the undeserving Ashley--are doomed to be disappointed when the real, flawed person shows through. Sometimes falling in love with one's anima or animus isn't what's really best for us. As Scarlett learns when she meets Rhett Butler, sometimes what we need most is what infuriates us the most.

  The Three Essential Parts of Love

  Attraction is an interesting thing, and it comes in different flavors. According to Robert Sternberg, all types of love and attraction can be arranged in a triangular shape. The points are:

  1. Liking (intimacy and sharing - alone, this is "friendship")
  2. Passion (strong emotions and sexual attraction; alone, this is "infatuation")
  3. Commitment (intentions to stay in spite of difficulties; alone, this is "empty love")

  Between liking and passion is romantic love; between liking and commitment is companionate love; between commitment and passion is fatuous love.

  Anima/animus attractions usually start with passion--they're that jaw-dropping desire for someone you don't know well, but who just "does it" for you. The danger of anima/animus attractions is that they're actually projections of our own anima/animus. As we get to know the other person, we are either disillusioned because they don't fit the idealized image we're projecting onto them, or we come to know them as people and fall in love with them because we also like them.

  Love that includes liking, passion, and commitment is what Sternberg calls "consummate" or perfect love. But while it's solid and makes us feel whole, it's not effortless. Psychologist John Gottman researches what makes relationships last or fail, and he can predict whether a couple will divorce with 96% accuracy.

  The Four Horsemen of a Doomed Relationship

  Gottman has demonstrated that the four behaviors, which he calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" endanger any relationship, and when combined with an inability to "make successful repair attempts," they doom it.

  The horsemen are expressed through body language as much as through verbal behavior; when they appear often, they predict divorce in the 80% range.

  1. Criticism - This goes beyond complaining about an action or behavior and becomes an attack on the other person; the word "you" coupled with "never" or "always" is usually an indicator. "Why don't/can't you ever...?" or "Why do you always...?" or "You never..."
  2. Contempt - Disdain, disgust, sneering, contempt, demeaning mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, and hostile humor.
  3. Defensiveness - Refusal to accept some responsibility, defensiveness amounts to "The problem isn't me, it's all you."
  4. Stonewalling - Usually known as "the silent treatment, facing a stonewaller is like talking to a brick wall. It doesn't budge, and it doesn't discuss. 85% of the time, men are the stonewallers. Women are more likely to criticize.
  About 85% of couples who are able to make successful repair attempts by using humor or taking a break to deescalate and regain perspective stay married.

  As uncomfortable as conflict usually is, it's necessary for a healthy relationship. People who don't argue aren't communicating, and when their relationships begin to fall apart, there's nothing available to patch them back together.

  Interestingly, the breakdown of traditional relationships has contributed to the conflict that causes so many divorces. When men and women had strictly defined roles, society disdained attempts to cross the gender boundaries in real life--for example, the only way to get your fill of "feminine" if you were male was to spend a lot of time with your wife. Modern society is still reconciling the blurring of the gender lines, sometimes more smoothly than others, and the resulting confusion can only really be addressed through healthy communication. The Syzygy: Pulling it All Together

  When the anima and animus come together, they create Syzygy, a term that represents the same kind of cohesive whole Plato described when the two halves of sundered humans wrap their arms around one another once again become one.

  In real life, finding and getting along with your "other half" is difficult. Have you ever read a story in which the characters constantly misunderstand, insult, and stonewall each other, yet by the last page you're to believe that they will live happily ever after with none of the conflict that filled every page before the last? In real life, it doesn't work that way, and it shouldn't in fiction, either. Conflict is the engine that keeps every story going, and the love relationships between your characters are one of the most important parts of that engine.

  Think about it this way: There's no way Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would settle down without ever arguing again, but what fun would they be if they did?

  Notes, References, and Further Reading

  • A nice discussion of the Double is available at http://www.aislingmagazine.com/aislingmagazine/articles/TAM24/TheDouble.html
  • Plato's Symposium is available in multiple places online, but I usually use http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html
  • Buss, David. (2003). Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, Second Edition. Allyn & Bacon
  • Buss, David.(2003). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
  • Gottman, John. Various. Forget those other books, Gottman's are the real deal. His research is some of the most compelling in couples and marital therapy and is often used by therapists.
  • Von Franz, M. L. (1964). The Process of Individuation. In (Ed.) Carl J
    Ethical MLM, Network Marketing Work From Home Business Opportunity
    What do you do to find an honest, ethical and “real” home based business with an affordable startup cost and a realistic chance of success?I figured that if I had this problem, then there must be millions of other people out there who were in the same situation. In order to satisfy that demand, Russell Gain formed the complete 60 minute money home franchise system that I am part of today. The system is so simple to operate that anyone with a high school education could be successfulMy 60 minute money home business program will teach you exactly how you can build an international business from your home (no matter where you live!) using the identical, tried and tested internet tools and marketing systems that Russell has personally used every day to generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in profits.All you will need to supply is your labour, enthusiasm and a modest amount of capital, and I will supply everything else that you need to start your own proven in home business. All of the systems you will use have been tested and proven to be effective by other successful participants before you. This is the ideal turnkey solution for busy people who want to either earn an extra part time income or those who may want to find a way out of their corporate career and ultimately work for themselves after making a part time start around their current schedule.What will I get when I join the 60 minute m
    fantasy or mood [as the anima often does to men]...even in a woman who is outwardly very feminine the animus can be an equally hard and inexorable power. One may suddenly find oneself up against something in a woman that is obstinate, cold and completely inaccessible.

    The Influence of the Anima: Men's Heroes and Heroines

    If you're male, your ideal man is usually a Marty Stu (your idea of the perfect male--clever, powerful, handsome, and super-capable) and your idealized love interest is your anima. If she's a femme fatale, you're projecting negative anima; if she's lady, you're projecting positive anima.

    Anima

    The positive anima provides guidance and is patient, compassionate, tender, nurturing, intuitive, life-giving, loving, and considerate, embodied by mythological priestesses and sibyls as well as characters like Snow White, the Virgin Mary, Peter Pan's Wendy, Beatrice in Dante's Paradiso, and Belle in Beauty and the Beast. In stories, anima figures teach heroes to recognize these qualities in themselves: think Maria in the Sound of Music, Cosette in Les Miserables, and Arwen in The Lord of the Rings. Male characters with positive animas have heart without being weak, like Christian from Moulin Rouge, Cameron from 10 Things I Hate About You, and Wesley from the Princess Bride.

    The negative anima carries shadow qualities in that it's moody, uncertain, vain, catty, dangerously tempting, insecure, overbearing, and hypersensitive, embodied by characters like the Greek Sirens, the German Lorelei or the Slavonic Ruskala, wicked witches and wicked stepmothers, the vain Queen in Snow White, or Maleficent in Disney's Sleeping Beauty. In stories, these women are often difficult or dangerous but often alluring, like Mystique in the X-Men films or the Dark Phoenix in the X-Men comics. Male characters with negative animas are moody, unpredictable, and dangerous like Commodus in the film Gladiator.

    Antiheroes

    Some characters have both positive and negative aspects of the anima or animus, creating anti-heroes, flawed heroes, and sympathetic villains.

    In the film Terminator 2, Sarah Connor's positive animus is evident in her heroic determination to save her son and the world, but her negative animus is also strong in that her methods are often brutal and heartless.

    In Gladiator, as noted above, Commodus displays a strong negative anima in that he's petulant and emotional, but he's also drawn strongly to the kind of positive anima he can't find in himself, embodied by his sister Lucilla.

    Gone with the Wind's Scarlett O'Hara has a strong positive animus that displays determination, independence, and protectiveness, but she also has a lot of unpleasant anima qualities--she's given to histrionics and manipulative ploys.

    Falling in Love is Easier than Making it Last

    The anima and animus may help us find passionate relationships, but research shows that there are a lot of things that can destroy them. From a Jungian perspective, a relationship is doomed to crumble when you're real-life lover can't live up to the idealized image of the anima or animus you've projected.

    Story characters who fall in love with a fantasy--like Scarlett O'Hara's infatuation with the undeserving Ashley--are doomed to be disappointed when the real, flawed person shows through. Sometimes falling in love with one's anima or animus isn't what's really best for us. As Scarlett learns when she meets Rhett Butler, sometimes what we need most is what infuriates us the most.

    The Three Essential Parts of Love

    Attraction is an interesting thing, and it comes in different flavors. According to Robert Sternberg, all types of love and attraction can be arranged in a triangular shape. The points are:

    1. Liking (intimacy and sharing - alone, this is "friendship")
    2. Passion (strong emotions and sexual attraction; alone, this is "infatuation")
    3. Commitment (intentions to stay in spite of difficulties; alone, this is "empty love")

    Between liking and passion is romantic love; between liking and commitment is companionate love; between commitment and passion is fatuous love.

    Anima/animus attractions usually start with passion--they're that jaw-dropping desire for someone you don't know well, but who just "does it" for you. The danger of anima/animus attractions is that they're actually projections of our own anima/animus. As we get to know the other person, we are either disillusioned because they don't fit the idealized image we're projecting onto them, or we come to know them as people and fall in love with them because we also like them.

    Love that includes liking, passion, and commitment is what Sternberg calls "consummate" or perfect love. But while it's solid and makes us feel whole, it's not effortless. Psychologist John Gottman researches what makes relationships last or fail, and he can predict whether a couple will divorce with 96% accuracy.

    The Four Horsemen of a Doomed Relationship

    Gottman has demonstrated that the four behaviors, which he calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" endanger any relationship, and when combined with an inability to "make successful repair attempts," they doom it.

    The horsemen are expressed through body language as much as through verbal behavior; when they appear often, they predict divorce in the 80% range.

    1. Criticism - This goes beyond complaining about an action or behavior and becomes an attack on the other person; the word "you" coupled with "never" or "always" is usually an indicator. "Why don't/can't you ever...?" or "Why do you always...?" or "You never..."
    2. Contempt - Disdain, disgust, sneering, contempt, demeaning mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, and hostile humor.
    3. Defensiveness - Refusal to accept some responsibility, defensiveness amounts to "The problem isn't me, it's all you."
    4. Stonewalling - Usually known as "the silent treatment, facing a stonewaller is like talking to a brick wall. It doesn't budge, and it doesn't discuss. 85% of the time, men are the stonewallers. Women are more likely to criticize.
    About 85% of couples who are able to make successful repair attempts by using humor or taking a break to deescalate and regain perspective stay married.

    As uncomfortable as conflict usually is, it's necessary for a healthy relationship. People who don't argue aren't communicating, and when their relationships begin to fall apart, there's nothing available to patch them back together.

    Interestingly, the breakdown of traditional relationships has contributed to the conflict that causes so many divorces. When men and women had strictly defined roles, society disdained attempts to cross the gender boundaries in real life--for example, the only way to get your fill of "feminine" if you were male was to spend a lot of time with your wife. Modern society is still reconciling the blurring of the gender lines, sometimes more smoothly than others, and the resulting confusion can only really be addressed through healthy communication. The Syzygy: Pulling it All Together

    When the anima and animus come together, they create Syzygy, a term that represents the same kind of cohesive whole Plato described when the two halves of sundered humans wrap their arms around one another once again become one.

    In real life, finding and getting along with your "other half" is difficult. Have you ever read a story in which the characters constantly misunderstand, insult, and stonewall each other, yet by the last page you're to believe that they will live happily ever after with none of the conflict that filled every page before the last? In real life, it doesn't work that way, and it shouldn't in fiction, either. Conflict is the engine that keeps every story going, and the love relationships between your characters are one of the most important parts of that engine.

    Think about it this way: There's no way Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would settle down without ever arguing again, but what fun would they be if they did?

    Notes, References, and Further Reading

    • A nice discussion of the Double is available at http://www.aislingmagazine.com/aislingmagazine/articles/TAM24/TheDouble.html
    • Plato's Symposium is available in multiple places online, but I usually use http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html
    • Buss, David. (2003). Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, Second Edition. Allyn & Bacon
    • Buss, David.(2003). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
    • Gottman, John. Various. Forget those other books, Gottman's are the real deal. His research is some of the most compelling in couples and marital therapy and is often used by therapists.
    • Von Franz, M. L. (1964). The Process of Individuation. In (Ed.) Carl J
      Cheap Car Insurance Quotes
      The yearly cost of running and maintaining a vehicle is very high and one of the main cost elements involved is insurance.In the UK it has been illegal to drive without insurance since 1930 when a law was passed that required every person to have third party insurance or higher. The problem is, getting insurance can be a costly affair.Many drivers will try any means possible to get cheap car insurance. There are many different companies in the insurance market offering a variety of different means to get a quote. There are many reasons why prospective customers choose different methods for finding a car insurance quote. If we look at the different ways, we may be able to see the reasons why.TelephoneMany people choose this method to get a quote because they can do this from the comfort of their own home, the only issue with calling for a quote is the time it takes for the call to be answered, which if you have ever contacted a call center, can be a long time.WebsitesThis is the method insurers prefer customers to use as it is the cheapest way for them to give a quote, because of this some companies offer discount incentives to customers who book online. The reason why a lot of people use this way to find a quote is because they can fill in the forms at their leisure and without the pressure talking to a sales representative can bring.BrokersBrokers are “middlemen” wh
      her son and the world, but her negative animus is also strong in that her methods are often brutal and heartless.

      In Gladiator, as noted above, Commodus displays a strong negative anima in that he's petulant and emotional, but he's also drawn strongly to the kind of positive anima he can't find in himself, embodied by his sister Lucilla.

      Gone with the Wind's Scarlett O'Hara has a strong positive animus that displays determination, independence, and protectiveness, but she also has a lot of unpleasant anima qualities--she's given to histrionics and manipulative ploys.

      Falling in Love is Easier than Making it Last

      The anima and animus may help us find passionate relationships, but research shows that there are a lot of things that can destroy them. From a Jungian perspective, a relationship is doomed to crumble when you're real-life lover can't live up to the idealized image of the anima or animus you've projected.

      Story characters who fall in love with a fantasy--like Scarlett O'Hara's infatuation with the undeserving Ashley--are doomed to be disappointed when the real, flawed person shows through. Sometimes falling in love with one's anima or animus isn't what's really best for us. As Scarlett learns when she meets Rhett Butler, sometimes what we need most is what infuriates us the most.

      The Three Essential Parts of Love

      Attraction is an interesting thing, and it comes in different flavors. According to Robert Sternberg, all types of love and attraction can be arranged in a triangular shape. The points are:

      1. Liking (intimacy and sharing - alone, this is "friendship")
      2. Passion (strong emotions and sexual attraction; alone, this is "infatuation")
      3. Commitment (intentions to stay in spite of difficulties; alone, this is "empty love")

      Between liking and passion is romantic love; between liking and commitment is companionate love; between commitment and passion is fatuous love.

      Anima/animus attractions usually start with passion--they're that jaw-dropping desire for someone you don't know well, but who just "does it" for you. The danger of anima/animus attractions is that they're actually projections of our own anima/animus. As we get to know the other person, we are either disillusioned because they don't fit the idealized image we're projecting onto them, or we come to know them as people and fall in love with them because we also like them.

      Love that includes liking, passion, and commitment is what Sternberg calls "consummate" or perfect love. But while it's solid and makes us feel whole, it's not effortless. Psychologist John Gottman researches what makes relationships last or fail, and he can predict whether a couple will divorce with 96% accuracy.

      The Four Horsemen of a Doomed Relationship

      Gottman has demonstrated that the four behaviors, which he calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" endanger any relationship, and when combined with an inability to "make successful repair attempts," they doom it.

      The horsemen are expressed through body language as much as through verbal behavior; when they appear often, they predict divorce in the 80% range.

      1. Criticism - This goes beyond complaining about an action or behavior and becomes an attack on the other person; the word "you" coupled with "never" or "always" is usually an indicator. "Why don't/can't you ever...?" or "Why do you always...?" or "You never..."
      2. Contempt - Disdain, disgust, sneering, contempt, demeaning mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, and hostile humor.
      3. Defensiveness - Refusal to accept some responsibility, defensiveness amounts to "The problem isn't me, it's all you."
      4. Stonewalling - Usually known as "the silent treatment, facing a stonewaller is like talking to a brick wall. It doesn't budge, and it doesn't discuss. 85% of the time, men are the stonewallers. Women are more likely to criticize.
      About 85% of couples who are able to make successful repair attempts by using humor or taking a break to deescalate and regain perspective stay married.

      As uncomfortable as conflict usually is, it's necessary for a healthy relationship. People who don't argue aren't communicating, and when their relationships begin to fall apart, there's nothing available to patch them back together.

      Interestingly, the breakdown of traditional relationships has contributed to the conflict that causes so many divorces. When men and women had strictly defined roles, society disdained attempts to cross the gender boundaries in real life--for example, the only way to get your fill of "feminine" if you were male was to spend a lot of time with your wife. Modern society is still reconciling the blurring of the gender lines, sometimes more smoothly than others, and the resulting confusion can only really be addressed through healthy communication. The Syzygy: Pulling it All Together

      When the anima and animus come together, they create Syzygy, a term that represents the same kind of cohesive whole Plato described when the two halves of sundered humans wrap their arms around one another once again become one.

      In real life, finding and getting along with your "other half" is difficult. Have you ever read a story in which the characters constantly misunderstand, insult, and stonewall each other, yet by the last page you're to believe that they will live happily ever after with none of the conflict that filled every page before the last? In real life, it doesn't work that way, and it shouldn't in fiction, either. Conflict is the engine that keeps every story going, and the love relationships between your characters are one of the most important parts of that engine.

      Think about it this way: There's no way Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would settle down without ever arguing again, but what fun would they be if they did?

      Notes, References, and Further Reading

      • A nice discussion of the Double is available at http://www.aislingmagazine.com/aislingmagazine/articles/TAM24/TheDouble.html
      • Plato's Symposium is available in multiple places online, but I usually use http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html
      • Buss, David. (2003). Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, Second Edition. Allyn & Bacon
      • Buss, David.(2003). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
      • Gottman, John. Various. Forget those other books, Gottman's are the real deal. His research is some of the most compelling in couples and marital therapy and is often used by therapists.
      • Von Franz, M. L. (1964). The Process of Individuation. In (Ed.) Carl J
        Make Money on eBay - Don't Give Up Too Soon!
        As more and more entrepreneurs examine various business opportunities the chance to make money on eBay comes up. The eBay marketplace continues to grow at almost breakneck speed, entry into the marketplace costs little, and the opportunity for success is real. Too often those same entrepreneurs make the decision and start on eBay without realizing that it will take time to learn and get their businesses started.Soon the reality that an eBay business is like so many others; it is hard work, some creativity is involved, there are things to learn, and it requires a stick to it approach for success. Too soon these same entrepreneurs have not started to make money on eBay so they slow down and become disillusioned.Don’t let that happen to you. There is an opportunity for almost everyone to make money on eBay if they have the patience to learn how to do it correctly. There is a learning curve, and that takes time. Be patient and don’t give up too soon.As you continue to learn the many steps involved eBay will become easier. Soon you will have a market niche, products, knowledge and all of the basics that lead to eBay success.Be intelligent about your eBay business. It is like any other business and takes some time to get started. Learn everything that you can about eBay and how to be successful on eBay. To make money on eBay does require a commitment to keep moving forward. Have the perseverance to m
        re either disillusioned because they don't fit the idealized image we're projecting onto them, or we come to know them as people and fall in love with them because we also like them.

        Love that includes liking, passion, and commitment is what Sternberg calls "consummate" or perfect love. But while it's solid and makes us feel whole, it's not effortless. Psychologist John Gottman researches what makes relationships last or fail, and he can predict whether a couple will divorce with 96% accuracy.

        The Four Horsemen of a Doomed Relationship

        Gottman has demonstrated that the four behaviors, which he calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" endanger any relationship, and when combined with an inability to "make successful repair attempts," they doom it.

        The horsemen are expressed through body language as much as through verbal behavior; when they appear often, they predict divorce in the 80% range.

        1. Criticism - This goes beyond complaining about an action or behavior and becomes an attack on the other person; the word "you" coupled with "never" or "always" is usually an indicator. "Why don't/can't you ever...?" or "Why do you always...?" or "You never..."
        2. Contempt - Disdain, disgust, sneering, contempt, demeaning mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, and hostile humor.
        3. Defensiveness - Refusal to accept some responsibility, defensiveness amounts to "The problem isn't me, it's all you."
        4. Stonewalling - Usually known as "the silent treatment, facing a stonewaller is like talking to a brick wall. It doesn't budge, and it doesn't discuss. 85% of the time, men are the stonewallers. Women are more likely to criticize.
        About 85% of couples who are able to make successful repair attempts by using humor or taking a break to deescalate and regain perspective stay married.

        As uncomfortable as conflict usually is, it's necessary for a healthy relationship. People who don't argue aren't communicating, and when their relationships begin to fall apart, there's nothing available to patch them back together.

        Interestingly, the breakdown of traditional relationships has contributed to the conflict that causes so many divorces. When men and women had strictly defined roles, society disdained attempts to cross the gender boundaries in real life--for example, the only way to get your fill of "feminine" if you were male was to spend a lot of time with your wife. Modern society is still reconciling the blurring of the gender lines, sometimes more smoothly than others, and the resulting confusion can only really be addressed through healthy communication. The Syzygy: Pulling it All Together

        When the anima and animus come together, they create Syzygy, a term that represents the same kind of cohesive whole Plato described when the two halves of sundered humans wrap their arms around one another once again become one.

        In real life, finding and getting along with your "other half" is difficult. Have you ever read a story in which the characters constantly misunderstand, insult, and stonewall each other, yet by the last page you're to believe that they will live happily ever after with none of the conflict that filled every page before the last? In real life, it doesn't work that way, and it shouldn't in fiction, either. Conflict is the engine that keeps every story going, and the love relationships between your characters are one of the most important parts of that engine.

        Think about it this way: There's no way Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would settle down without ever arguing again, but what fun would they be if they did?

        Notes, References, and Further Reading

        • A nice discussion of the Double is available at http://www.aislingmagazine.com/aislingmagazine/articles/TAM24/TheDouble.html
        • Plato's Symposium is available in multiple places online, but I usually use http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html
        • Buss, David. (2003). Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, Second Edition. Allyn & Bacon
        • Buss, David.(2003). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
        • Gottman, John. Various. Forget those other books, Gottman's are the real deal. His research is some of the most compelling in couples and marital therapy and is often used by therapists.
        • Von Franz, M. L. (1964). The Process of Individuation. In (Ed.) Carl J
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          any divorces. When men and women had strictly defined roles, society disdained attempts to cross the gender boundaries in real life--for example, the only way to get your fill of "feminine" if you were male was to spend a lot of time with your wife. Modern society is still reconciling the blurring of the gender lines, sometimes more smoothly than others, and the resulting confusion can only really be addressed through healthy communication. The Syzygy: Pulling it All Together

          When the anima and animus come together, they create Syzygy, a term that represents the same kind of cohesive whole Plato described when the two halves of sundered humans wrap their arms around one another once again become one.

          In real life, finding and getting along with your "other half" is difficult. Have you ever read a story in which the characters constantly misunderstand, insult, and stonewall each other, yet by the last page you're to believe that they will live happily ever after with none of the conflict that filled every page before the last? In real life, it doesn't work that way, and it shouldn't in fiction, either. Conflict is the engine that keeps every story going, and the love relationships between your characters are one of the most important parts of that engine.

          Think about it this way: There's no way Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would settle down without ever arguing again, but what fun would they be if they did?

          Notes, References, and Further Reading

          • A nice discussion of the Double is available at http://www.aislingmagazine.com/aislingmagazine/articles/TAM24/TheDouble.html
          • Plato's Symposium is available in multiple places online, but I usually use http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html
          • Buss, David. (2003). Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, Second Edition. Allyn & Bacon
          • Buss, David.(2003). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
          • Gottman, John. Various. Forget those other books, Gottman's are the real deal. His research is some of the most compelling in couples and marital therapy and is often used by therapists.
          • Von Franz, M. L. (1964). The Process of Individuation. In (Ed.) Carl Jung, Man and His Symbols, p. 198. New York: Laurel