our friends, especially those who have been through the same thing but also beware of wallowing in it too much. Get into action, Review your life. Think of all the things you didn’t do when you were in a relationship and do them all. Visit the museums your ex found boring, eat in bed, and take that evening course. You now have a lot more freedom – use it and have fun.

Remember in all of this, every day you resist making any contact makes it a little easier until there comes the d

One of the hardest things to get used to when a relationship breaks up is the lack of contact with the other person. Even if that contact hadn’t been pleasant before the break-up it was still a constant in your life that is no longer there, so often we crave it. Yet all the advice is to go into no contact with the ex. We are told do not contact him/her under any circumstances and the advice is good. Prolonging the contact prolongs the pain. It’s like smoking a cigarette when we are trying to give up – we often land straight back at square one.

So what do you do if you want to contact the ex so badly you are finding it harder and harder to resist. First make the contact as difficult as possible. Erase all numbers from all phones and delete email addresses. You will probably remember them all anyway but it does make it a more conscious decision when you have to dial the number rather than hitting the speed dial – and the extra time it takes may be enough to allow you to rethink the decision. It also signals a firm intent on your part to maintain non contact. If you are making excuses not to take this step then review your commitment to the non contact. Imagine the very worst reaction your ex could have to you contacting him or her and keep that picture in your head. Imagine them screaming at you or being utterly cold or saying mean things to you. Hopefully this will help put you off calling them. Also block their number and email so they can’t contact you.

Next, keep busy. If the urge gets really strong, get out of the house and leave your cell phone behind. Go see a movie, go for a walk or go shopping. If this is not possible or not appealing then keep yourself occupied in the house. Call a friend, watch your favorite DVD or cook something special just for you.

Be good to yourself. Give yourself little treats – anything that makes you feel a bit better. Take time to grieve but be aware it takes time. Lean on your friends, especially those who have been through the same thing but also beware of wallowing in it too much. Get into action, Review your life. Think of all the things you didn’t do when you were in a relationship and do them all. Visit the museums your ex found boring, eat in bed, and take that evening course. You now have a lot more freedom – use it and have fun.

Remember in all of this, every day you resist making any contact makes it a little easier until there comes the da

ing to give up – we often land straight back at square one.

So what do you do if you want to contact the ex so badly you are finding it harder and harder to resist. First make the contact as difficult as possible. Erase all numbers from all phones and delete email addresses. You will probably remember them all anyway but it does make it a more conscious decision when you have to dial the number rather than hitting the speed dial – and the extra time it takes may be enough to allow you to rethink the decision. It also signals a firm intent on your part to maintain non contact. If you are making excuses not to take this step then review your commitment to the non contact. Imagine the very worst reaction your ex could have to you contacting him or her and keep that picture in your head. Imagine them screaming at you or being utterly cold or saying mean things to you. Hopefully this will help put you off calling them. Also block their number and email so they can’t contact you.

Next, keep busy. If the urge gets really strong, get out of the house and leave your cell phone behind. Go see a movie, go for a walk or go shopping. If this is not possible or not appealing then keep yourself occupied in the house. Call a friend, watch your favorite DVD or cook something special just for you.

Be good to yourself. Give yourself little treats – anything that makes you feel a bit better. Take time to grieve but be aware it takes time. Lean on your friends, especially those who have been through the same thing but also beware of wallowing in it too much. Get into action, Review your life. Think of all the things you didn’t do when you were in a relationship and do them all. Visit the museums your ex found boring, eat in bed, and take that evening course. You now have a lot more freedom – use it and have fun.

Remember in all of this, every day you resist making any contact makes it a little easier until there comes the d

w you to rethink the decision. It also signals a firm intent on your part to maintain non contact. If you are making excuses not to take this step then review your commitment to the non contact. Imagine the very worst reaction your ex could have to you contacting him or her and keep that picture in your head. Imagine them screaming at you or being utterly cold or saying mean things to you. Hopefully this will help put you off calling them. Also block their number and email so they can’t contact you.

Next, keep busy. If the urge gets really strong, get out of the house and leave your cell phone behind. Go see a movie, go for a walk or go shopping. If this is not possible or not appealing then keep yourself occupied in the house. Call a friend, watch your favorite DVD or cook something special just for you.

Be good to yourself. Give yourself little treats – anything that makes you feel a bit better. Take time to grieve but be aware it takes time. Lean on your friends, especially those who have been through the same thing but also beware of wallowing in it too much. Get into action, Review your life. Think of all the things you didn’t do when you were in a relationship and do them all. Visit the museums your ex found boring, eat in bed, and take that evening course. You now have a lot more freedom – use it and have fun.

Remember in all of this, every day you resist making any contact makes it a little easier until there comes the d

t contact you.

Next, keep busy. If the urge gets really strong, get out of the house and leave your cell phone behind. Go see a movie, go for a walk or go shopping. If this is not possible or not appealing then keep yourself occupied in the house. Call a friend, watch your favorite DVD or cook something special just for you.

Be good to yourself. Give yourself little treats – anything that makes you feel a bit better. Take time to grieve but be aware it takes time. Lean on your friends, especially those who have been through the same thing but also beware of wallowing in it too much. Get into action, Review your life. Think of all the things you didn’t do when you were in a relationship and do them all. Visit the museums your ex found boring, eat in bed, and take that evening course. You now have a lot more freedom – use it and have fun.

Remember in all of this, every day you resist making any contact makes it a little easier until there comes the d

our friends, especially those who have been through the same thing but also beware of wallowing in it too much. Get into action, Review your life. Think of all the things you didn’t do when you were in a relationship and do them all. Visit the museums your ex found boring, eat in bed, and take that evening course. You now have a lot more freedom – use it and have fun.

Remember in all of this, every day you resist making any contact makes it a little easier until there comes the day you thought would never arrive, where you have no desire to speak to them at all except maybe a mild curiosity to know what they are doing. Then and only then can your really reclaim your life.

Good luck with it all – it’s not easy but it is very doable. As they say in AA, take one day at a time.