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You are here: Home > Relationships > Affairs > When A Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair For Gay Couples; Part 1 |
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I Advice - When A Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair For Gay Couples; Part 1
Lazy Employees: A Cancer in the Workplace our relationship has a chance of successfully moving forward. No two affairs are alike, so it’s important to understand your unique relationship situation so you can remove the barriers that trigger you and prevent you from claiming the type of relationship you really want.There is very little in the workplace that has more of a negative and infectious impact than a lazy employee. Yet I am frequently approached by employers who are unable or unwilling to deal with this serious threat to their business. If left alone, this is a situation that invariably does damage to a business and it's employees.I recently counseled a man who was experiencing this situation in his own business:"I own a small business, and I have one employee who just never seems to be on the same page with everybody else. She never quite gets her jobs done, and there's always an excuse. Other people in the office do work very similar to hers, and they always get more done than she does. I've talked to her, but it's just one excuse after another. I hate to fire her---she's a nice lady, and she has children to support---but I don't know what else to do."You're running a busine Conclusion In Part 2 of this article (coming in the next Couple’s Edition of the newsletter), specific tips and strategies will be given for the man who cheated, the man who was cheated upon, and for the couple as a whole for rebuilding their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. In the interim, if you and your partner are in this situation of dealing with an infidelity, contemplate the following questions and points: ·What does this affair mean to our relationship? What led up to it? Why did it happen? ·In what ways did each of us contribute to this happening? What role did we each play and what are our responsibilities? What’s missing in our relationship? What needs work? What did we learn about ourselves as a result of this experience? ·Can I forgive my partner and myself for what’s happened? How does this all mesh with my persona 5 Ways to Increase Your Profit Instantly IntroductionFrom a few years of experience running my own business. I found a few way that actually boost my profit instantly. Many small businesses needed to create a massive cashflow in the shortest possible time. This is a few ways that I practiced.1. Give free giftsGivers get. You can give away small gifts or some of your service for free to build your customer base, to get free publicity. I remember once I was selling some small gifts many years back when I first started my business. There is not much respond. I need to do something about it. I started to give away my gifts for free. In total, I just gave away 25 pieces of the gift. The result in three hours: 300 pieces was sold.2. Direct mailer with namesMany said that direct mailer doesn't work. From my experience, I would say, it depends. First you have to put the name of that person you want to send to. If you address them as "M Nothing destroys the foundation of trust and security in a relationship quite like infidelity does. The gay community at large tends to accept more liberal forms of sexual expression. Without social norms precluding what’s sexually appropriate or not in the context of an intimate relationship, gay men are in a position to choose for themselves the role sex plays in their relationships. As such, most gay couples develop a “relationship contract” of sorts as they begin to merge their lives together about monogamy vs. non-monogamy. For those couples who have agreed to be monogamous, a partner’s affair with another man can create a whirlwind of chaos and pain—and sometimes, the destruction of the relationship itself. While many relationships don’t survive an affair because of the difficulties involved in working through the betrayal and broken trust, many others are able to overcome the challenges and are able to cultivate an even better partnership than they’d had before. A couple can triumph over an affair! Part 1 of this article will examine the reasons behind an affair, and Part 2 will offer some practical tips on healing and moving forward for those couples who have decided to try and salvage their relationships. He Cheated On Me! When a lover cheats and the affair is revealed or discovered, the two men in the couple relationship both go through a grieving process. The psychology of the issues involved for each man in the couple is different, but there is a common backdrop of pain and shattered trust. Disillusionment sets in, and a flood of various emotions erupts. Anger, betrayal, guilt, disgust, defensiveness, depression, and numbness and shock are common emotional reactions, to just name a few. You become preoccupied with the affair, unable to think of anything else and it can be hard to concentrate and control the racing thoughts and images your mind conjures up. Everything you thought you knew and believed in now comes into question and you can feel lost, confused, and abandoned. You wonder what’s been real and what’s been a farce from the inception of your relationship. Your self-esteem is wounded, you feel deceived, and your world feels like it’s been turned upside down. The sense of loss is profound and can be traumatizing. You then contemplate whether the relationship is worth fighting for. Why We Are Unfaithful Statistics among all sexual orientations indicate that infidelity is pervasive. There are many different reasons why we gay men may cheat on our partners. While certainly the problem may stem from one man in the couple (eg. sexual addiction), in my clinical experience, I have seen more cases of infidelity arising as a symptom of something that’s troubling the relationship. The following are some possible underlying factors that contribute to the straying outside our primary relationships: ·fear of commitment and/or intimacy; cheating as a way of staving off getting too close, being controlled, or being suffocated by one’s partner ·lack of gay monogamous role models ·low self-esteem; seeking sex from other people as a validation of one’s attractiveness and self-worth ·boredom; a compelling need to seek thrills, risk, adventure, or variety ·easy sexual access and availability ·society, and gay culture itself, sexualizing gay men (just look at the ads in your local gay newspaper or magazine, for example!) ·unhappiness in one’s relationship; feeling unloved or unwanted; emotional distance in the partnership; unmet needs; acting-out because “something’s missing”; searching for emotional connection, attention, affection, and validation that one feels he’s not getting from his partner ·sexual problems in the relationship or lack of sexual intimacy ·sexual addiction, poor impulse control, involvement of drugs and alcohol, or unresolved emotional problems, sexual abuse from the past, or a prior history of infidelity ·purposeful attempt to hurt one’s partner (power-plays, “I’ll show him! I’ll get back at him by sleeping with…”) ·incompatibility with one’s partner; differing life philosophies and needs Men in particular (both straight and gay) tend to be more at risk and susceptible for cheating on a lover because of the tendency toward being able to separate sex from emotions during sex. These reasons are certainly not intended to be rationalizations or justifications for having an affair, but knowing your own underlying causes can help in beginning to problem-solve ways of “treating the symptoms” so that your relationship has a chance of successfully moving forward. No two affairs are alike, so it’s important to understand your unique relationship situation so you can remove the barriers that trigger you and prevent you from claiming the type of relationship you really want. Conclusion In Part 2 of this article (coming in the next Couple’s Edition of the newsletter), specific tips and strategies will be given for the man who cheated, the man who was cheated upon, and for the couple as a whole for rebuilding their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. In the interim, if you and your partner are in this situation of dealing with an infidelity, contemplate the following questions and points: ·What does this affair mean to our relationship? What led up to it? Why did it happen? ·In what ways did each of us contribute to this happening? What role did we each play and what are our responsibilities? What’s missing in our relationship? What needs work? What did we learn about ourselves as a result of this experience? ·Can I forgive my partner and myself for what’s happened? How does this all mesh with my persona How To Start A Copywriting Services Business-A Six-Figure Income Starts With Your First Client healing and moving forward for those couples who have decided to try and salvage their relationships.The easiest way to make money as a writer is to discover copywriting. Copywriting is essentially just writing for businesses, helping them to win new customers and make sales. If you can write a persuasive letter, you can write copy.Most writers take to copywriting immediately, like the proverbial ducks to water, because you're surrounded by copy every day. Advertising is everywhere you are: on TV, on the radio, in magazines, and of course, all over the Web.So how do you start a copywriting services business?Get Your First Copywriting ClientYou start your copywriting services business by getting your first client. This is not difficult. Just visit any of the out-sourcing sites, or look on sites like Craigslist. Of course, you can post your own advertisements on Craigslist or on any of the many classified advertising sites online.Create Some Copy He Cheated On Me! When a lover cheats and the affair is revealed or discovered, the two men in the couple relationship both go through a grieving process. The psychology of the issues involved for each man in the couple is different, but there is a common backdrop of pain and shattered trust. Disillusionment sets in, and a flood of various emotions erupts. Anger, betrayal, guilt, disgust, defensiveness, depression, and numbness and shock are common emotional reactions, to just name a few. You become preoccupied with the affair, unable to think of anything else and it can be hard to concentrate and control the racing thoughts and images your mind conjures up. Everything you thought you knew and believed in now comes into question and you can feel lost, confused, and abandoned. You wonder what’s been real and what’s been a farce from the inception of your relationship. Your self-esteem is wounded, you feel deceived, and your world feels like it’s been turned upside down. The sense of loss is profound and can be traumatizing. You then contemplate whether the relationship is worth fighting for. Why We Are Unfaithful Statistics among all sexual orientations indicate that infidelity is pervasive. There are many different reasons why we gay men may cheat on our partners. While certainly the problem may stem from one man in the couple (eg. sexual addiction), in my clinical experience, I have seen more cases of infidelity arising as a symptom of something that’s troubling the relationship. The following are some possible underlying factors that contribute to the straying outside our primary relationships: ·fear of commitment and/or intimacy; cheating as a way of staving off getting too close, being controlled, or being suffocated by one’s partner ·lack of gay monogamous role models ·low self-esteem; seeking sex from other people as a validation of one’s attractiveness and self-worth ·boredom; a compelling need to seek thrills, risk, adventure, or variety ·easy sexual access and availability ·society, and gay culture itself, sexualizing gay men (just look at the ads in your local gay newspaper or magazine, for example!) ·unhappiness in one’s relationship; feeling unloved or unwanted; emotional distance in the partnership; unmet needs; acting-out because “something’s missing”; searching for emotional connection, attention, affection, and validation that one feels he’s not getting from his partner ·sexual problems in the relationship or lack of sexual intimacy ·sexual addiction, poor impulse control, involvement of drugs and alcohol, or unresolved emotional problems, sexual abuse from the past, or a prior history of infidelity ·purposeful attempt to hurt one’s partner (power-plays, “I’ll show him! I’ll get back at him by sleeping with…”) ·incompatibility with one’s partner; differing life philosophies and needs Men in particular (both straight and gay) tend to be more at risk and susceptible for cheating on a lover because of the tendency toward being able to separate sex from emotions during sex. These reasons are certainly not intended to be rationalizations or justifications for having an affair, but knowing your own underlying causes can help in beginning to problem-solve ways of “treating the symptoms” so that your relationship has a chance of successfully moving forward. No two affairs are alike, so it’s important to understand your unique relationship situation so you can remove the barriers that trigger you and prevent you from claiming the type of relationship you really want. Conclusion In Part 2 of this article (coming in the next Couple’s Edition of the newsletter), specific tips and strategies will be given for the man who cheated, the man who was cheated upon, and for the couple as a whole for rebuilding their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. In the interim, if you and your partner are in this situation of dealing with an infidelity, contemplate the following questions and points: ·What does this affair mean to our relationship? What led up to it? Why did it happen? ·In what ways did each of us contribute to this happening? What role did we each play and what are our responsibilities? What’s missing in our relationship? What needs work? What did we learn about ourselves as a result of this experience? ·Can I forgive my partner and myself for what’s happened? How does this all mesh with my persona How to be Comfortable when Starting a New Job ng. You then contemplate whether the relationship is worth fighting for.It is estimated that we, as average Americans, have between eight and ten jobs in our lifetimes. While many of these job changes may be for positive matters – a more challenging career, better advancement, more lucrative pay – the fact remains that starting a new job can be one of the biggest stresses in life. The reasons for this vary. For some of us, learning the technicalities, the ins and outs, of a new job may be the biggest burden. For others, learning the way around the building – how to get to the coffee pot and the restroom - may prove difficult. And, for some, simply learning where the new office is located may be the biggest inconvenience. However, for the majority of new jobbers, chances are the greatest intimidation factor, the one that causes the most anxiety, is simply meeting new people. Walking into a job where everyone seems to know each other – patting each other on the ba Why We Are Unfaithful Statistics among all sexual orientations indicate that infidelity is pervasive. There are many different reasons why we gay men may cheat on our partners. While certainly the problem may stem from one man in the couple (eg. sexual addiction), in my clinical experience, I have seen more cases of infidelity arising as a symptom of something that’s troubling the relationship. The following are some possible underlying factors that contribute to the straying outside our primary relationships: ·fear of commitment and/or intimacy; cheating as a way of staving off getting too close, being controlled, or being suffocated by one’s partner ·lack of gay monogamous role models ·low self-esteem; seeking sex from other people as a validation of one’s attractiveness and self-worth ·boredom; a compelling need to seek thrills, risk, adventure, or variety ·easy sexual access and availability ·society, and gay culture itself, sexualizing gay men (just look at the ads in your local gay newspaper or magazine, for example!) ·unhappiness in one’s relationship; feeling unloved or unwanted; emotional distance in the partnership; unmet needs; acting-out because “something’s missing”; searching for emotional connection, attention, affection, and validation that one feels he’s not getting from his partner ·sexual problems in the relationship or lack of sexual intimacy ·sexual addiction, poor impulse control, involvement of drugs and alcohol, or unresolved emotional problems, sexual abuse from the past, or a prior history of infidelity ·purposeful attempt to hurt one’s partner (power-plays, “I’ll show him! I’ll get back at him by sleeping with…”) ·incompatibility with one’s partner; differing life philosophies and needs Men in particular (both straight and gay) tend to be more at risk and susceptible for cheating on a lover because of the tendency toward being able to separate sex from emotions during sex. These reasons are certainly not intended to be rationalizations or justifications for having an affair, but knowing your own underlying causes can help in beginning to problem-solve ways of “treating the symptoms” so that your relationship has a chance of successfully moving forward. No two affairs are alike, so it’s important to understand your unique relationship situation so you can remove the barriers that trigger you and prevent you from claiming the type of relationship you really want. Conclusion In Part 2 of this article (coming in the next Couple’s Edition of the newsletter), specific tips and strategies will be given for the man who cheated, the man who was cheated upon, and for the couple as a whole for rebuilding their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. In the interim, if you and your partner are in this situation of dealing with an infidelity, contemplate the following questions and points: ·What does this affair mean to our relationship? What led up to it? Why did it happen? ·In what ways did each of us contribute to this happening? What role did we each play and what are our responsibilities? What’s missing in our relationship? What needs work? What did we learn about ourselves as a result of this experience? ·Can I forgive my partner and myself for what’s happened? How does this all mesh with my persona Pre-Construction: How to Make Money in Real Estate Without Doing the Scrunch Work le!)If you don't have the time to invest working on fixers or if you're tired of working on fixers to make money investing in real estate, try this method.Many real estate investors make thousands of dollars on brand new homes with little work. To test this money-making system in your area, call new development home sales offices that have most homes sold. Ask about their price for a 3 bedroom, 2 bath. Ask how much this model has gone up since they were first available. If this increase is a substantial amount, then this real estate investing system most likely works in your area.One caution: your real estate market and employment in the area should be stable.How to do the "new home" or "pre-construction" investing system:1. Look for a new development with only a sales office trailer and pre-construction site.2. Pick out the model you like and the lot you want. Get a corner ·unhappiness in one’s relationship; feeling unloved or unwanted; emotional distance in the partnership; unmet needs; acting-out because “something’s missing”; searching for emotional connection, attention, affection, and validation that one feels he’s not getting from his partner ·sexual problems in the relationship or lack of sexual intimacy ·sexual addiction, poor impulse control, involvement of drugs and alcohol, or unresolved emotional problems, sexual abuse from the past, or a prior history of infidelity ·purposeful attempt to hurt one’s partner (power-plays, “I’ll show him! I’ll get back at him by sleeping with…”) ·incompatibility with one’s partner; differing life philosophies and needs Men in particular (both straight and gay) tend to be more at risk and susceptible for cheating on a lover because of the tendency toward being able to separate sex from emotions during sex. These reasons are certainly not intended to be rationalizations or justifications for having an affair, but knowing your own underlying causes can help in beginning to problem-solve ways of “treating the symptoms” so that your relationship has a chance of successfully moving forward. No two affairs are alike, so it’s important to understand your unique relationship situation so you can remove the barriers that trigger you and prevent you from claiming the type of relationship you really want. Conclusion In Part 2 of this article (coming in the next Couple’s Edition of the newsletter), specific tips and strategies will be given for the man who cheated, the man who was cheated upon, and for the couple as a whole for rebuilding their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. In the interim, if you and your partner are in this situation of dealing with an infidelity, contemplate the following questions and points: ·What does this affair mean to our relationship? What led up to it? Why did it happen? ·In what ways did each of us contribute to this happening? What role did we each play and what are our responsibilities? What’s missing in our relationship? What needs work? What did we learn about ourselves as a result of this experience? ·Can I forgive my partner and myself for what’s happened? How does this all mesh with my persona Effective Presentations - 5 Immutable Laws of Developing Speaker's Notes our relationship has a chance of successfully moving forward. No two affairs are alike, so it’s important to understand your unique relationship situation so you can remove the barriers that trigger you and prevent you from claiming the type of relationship you really want.In my early days of making presentations, I always thought that notes of presentation or speaker’s notes are not necessary since I have prepared very thoroughly. But as my schedule becomes more hectic due to increasing work commitments and projects, I begin to rely more on speaker notes (as my preparation time for my various presentations gets shorter). For most people then, having something in front of them is essential. Lets first examine the roles of Speaker notesRole of Speaker’s notesa) To boost confidence. In the event you do not need it, having something there is a comfort and you could easily refer to when asked about statistics and other information during Q&Ab) To act as a guide to what you will say and what order you will say inc) To assist you to say it in the best possible way by producing the right variety, pace, emphasis, etc as you go alongThe Five Immut Conclusion In Part 2 of this article (coming in the next Couple’s Edition of the newsletter), specific tips and strategies will be given for the man who cheated, the man who was cheated upon, and for the couple as a whole for rebuilding their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. In the interim, if you and your partner are in this situation of dealing with an infidelity, contemplate the following questions and points: ·What does this affair mean to our relationship? What led up to it? Why did it happen? ·In what ways did each of us contribute to this happening? What role did we each play and what are our responsibilities? What’s missing in our relationship? What needs work? What did we learn about ourselves as a result of this experience? ·Can I forgive my partner and myself for what’s happened? How does this all mesh with my personal requirements for a partner and relationship? ·What do we need to do differently to ensure that this never happens again? Remember that you are both suffering and that you both need extra support, reassurance, and understanding from each other right now. If you are truly committed to repairing your relationship, keep blame, finger-pointing, verbal aggression, and judgment out of the mix. There’s been enough pain already. Develop a vision for a positive outcome as a couple and keep centered on that as you go through the difficult grieving tasks involved in getting back on track again. And you can! ©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
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