I Advice - Relationships

Death Threats Frighten A Blogger Into Hiding
Kathy Sierra's story will frighten women bloggers world wide. Kathy has received a series of death threats which have forced her to cancel a public appearance at ETech in San Diego and suspend her blog. Besides the threats the campaign also included a post that featured a picture of her next to a noose. Kathy has been receiving death threats for four weeks now.I have spent a while on her blog 'Creating Passionate Users' reading some of her recent posts. Her style is informative and friendly. There is not threatening tone or abusive comments against anybody. Even her post about the death threats and her decision to stop blogging and not to attend the conference is factual. I really cannot see anything that could have started somebody or a group of somebodies off on this hate campaign.Of course what the web allows is just that. Somebodies. It is the ideal territory for stalking and anonymous threats. This is where the nasties come out to play. It must somehow provide vicarious pleasure, otherwise why do this to a really pleasant and friendly person who writes a blog? It must provide some form of satisfaction that they, the attackers, are able to frighten people to such an extent, they are unable to leave their home anymore.A question has been asked and commented on, inspired by these incidents against Kathy

rself. Discover ways to be “happily single”, independent, and don’t put stock in being fulfilled in your life only if you’re in a relationship. Identify your strengths and recognize what makes you a “good catch.” Cultivate a positive self-image.

* Build your self-confidence by becoming the best “you” you can be. Invest in your personal growth, fine-tune your social skills, take safe and calculated risks, enhance your self-esteem and body image, develop a more balanced lifestyle with purposeful goals that will give you meaning. This will help take the focus off the other guy and put it more squarely on you and living your life to the max to where rejection won’t matter as much to you.

* Whenever you experience feelings of rejection, write down the thoughts you’re having in a journal and work at correcting any distorted beliefs that may be hurting you. Are you condemning yourself? Are your thoughts reinforcing low self-esteem? How are you contributing to your own feelings of rejection? Develop your own personal list of affirmations that will encourage and affirm you and rehearse them daily.

* Most importantly, stop giving emotional power to these men! How do you even know if this guy was really a match for you either? Are you projecting? His saying “no” to another date basically means that your personal requirements for a long-term relationship do not appear to match up. It is the traits, not you! And if a rejection occurs over something superficial, you don’t want to be with that person anyway. Superficiality does not equal long-term sustenance in relationships. Overcome your fear of being negatively judged by having a solid grasp on your vision an

Avoiding The Payday Loan Trap
When budgets are tight and you're short of cash towards the end of the month, a payday loan can seem like the ideal answer, giving you enough money to see you through until you receive your next wage. Unfortunately, this can be too simplistic a view, and using payday loan facilities to paper over the cracks of a bad financial situation can make matters even worse, given the relatively high fees involved in short term, small dollar loans.The fact that a typical payday loan will cost around 25% of the amount borrowed in fees, repayable within a period of a month or so of receiving the advance, means that in APR terms the cost can be astronomical even though the actual dollar amount may seem small. This means that potential borrowers need to think carefully about whether they really need a loan, as there are alternatives that may be a better option.The major danger with payday loans is the temptation to use them to cover bills and allow a certain amount of living beyond your means. It's easy to fall into the trap of having to take out a new loan every month to make ends meet, all the time paying the high fees. Once in the trap, it's very difficult to escape without a dramatic change in circumstances. So what are the alternatives?If the main reason you need a loan is to cover a credit card payment or other bill,

Introduction

“Well, it was really nice meeting you, bud, but I don’t really think we’re a match. Good luck to you though!” –or- “Yeah, it was fun! I’ll call you!” –and then the call never comes.

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there at one time or another. You know, that stabbing feeling of being unwanted that’s so hard to shake when it strikes. Yep—rejection! Rejection of all forms is a natural part of being human, from being declined for a job or being refused participation in a certain club. But as a single guy on a quest for a life partner, rejection is an inescapable given in the dating world as you search for a compatible counterpart. There is no way around it!

Now in this article, I’m not going to sugar-coat things and say “just get over it” or “it’s his loss if he doesn’t want to date you.” This type of common advice minimizes the impact rejection really has. The truth of the matter is that rejection sucks! It hurts, it’s no fun, and it can be difficult to swallow at times. But while rejection can be a nasty experience, it is a fact of life that needs to be accepted and embraced in order to survive and triumph over its effects. There’s no easy formula for overcoming the fear of rejection, but what’s offered here are some tips for making the most of it and taking on a new perspective to help you forage on and prevent it from holding you back from accomplishing your relationship goals and dreams.

Why Rejection Hurts

Growing up gay in a homophobic society poses many challenges as we face our developmental tasks and build an identity. As gay men, most of us carried boat-loads of shame and fears of not being accepted for who we were as we grew up (and a lot of us still struggle with these issues as adults) because of the messages from society that said being gay is “bad.” This prejudice and discrimination, coupled with the fear of not being accepted, can lead to an extra-hypersensitivity when any kind of rejection is perceived. This can be even more pronounced for those men who experienced banishment from their families or suffered some type of trauma or abuse for being gay. Low self-esteem, the tendency to have a strong need for approval, and to define one’s self-image around what others think of you can be additional culprits in making rejection seem insurmountable.

The Costs Are High!

For some single gay men, the fear of rejection acts as a huge barrier against their claiming one of their most desired goals—a loving relationship. This fear can manifest itself in giving up on dating, isolating oneself, avoiding risks that could result in positive life changes, a tendency to become desperate, needy, clingy, and a people-pleaser. Then there’s all the negative, pessimistic thinking, anxiety, potential to become codependent, fear of commitment, and presenting a false self to avoid exposing oneself and being vulnerable, which then leads to intimacy deficits, decreased social confidence, and sometimes it reaches dangerous depths of turning to things such as alcohol/drugs and sex to self-medicate against those feelings. The list goes on—yuck!

· What does rejection mean to you?
· What are some of the losses and negative consequences you’ve endured as a result of your fear of rejection, if any?

A Mental Shift Is Required

A new mindset is mandatory for conquering the negative effects of a fear of rejection in the dating world. Most struggles with rejection stem from your self-talk, the chatter we all have going on in our heads all the time. What you think affects how you feel which affects how you act, and then they all interrelate with each other. You can create a self-fulfilling prophecy that if you expect rejection, it’ll turn out that way. A lot of our fears of being “dismissed” come from such cognitive distortions (negative thought traps) as catastrophizing (blowing things out of proportion) and mindreading (making unfounded assumptions). You can certainly miss out on golden opportunities for meeting Mr. Right if you expend all your energy on your worries and negative thinking, not to mention that your self-esteem will be undermined and you won’t feel comfortable in your own skin.

Your job is to identify which thoughts help vs. hinder your cause; capitalize on those that boost your confidence and motivate you, and work at defeating those negative thoughts that keep you trapped in vicious cycles of self-defeat. Replace those negative tapes with more affirming statements; this will take a lot of consistent practice to internalize the new messages and counter the old ones that form your beliefs. Another option is to create situations for yourself that will prove your old negative beliefs wrong by demonstrating to yourself that you are capable of overcoming anything that acts as an obstacle to your success.

Tips For Coping With Rejection

The following are some ideas to help you reframe the way you think about rejection so it doesn’t seem so unbearable. Your negative beliefs can have a strong hold over you because they’re trying to protect you against perceived threat or harm, so some of these tips might inspire an “oh please!” or “yeah right!” attitude. Let your mind be open and pick and choose those that might best fit your personality and style. View any resistance you may feel as an indication that your self-protection mechanisms may have been triggered and refuse to be held victim by them any longer.

* View rejection as a success. The fact that that guy doesn’t want to date you is saving you a lot of time and energy in building something that wouldn’t have worked out anyway. You’ve invested nothing, your heart is safe, and now you can channel your energies into new possibilities.

* Typically, rejection has nothing to do with you; it’s a projection of the other person’s wants, needs, and life experiences. He doesn’t really know you. All he is aware of is what he saw and what you shared with him about yourself, but that’s not the totality of who you are. It’s more about him. It’s not your fault, so avoid personalizing it and realize also that you are not Mr. Right for every guy you meet and vice versa. Most people you date will not be the right guy for you.

* Avoid attaching yourself to outcomes. Approach every date free from fantasy and as an opportunity to meet someone new. If something works out, then that’s an added bonus. Don’t mold yourself into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Be the chooser!

* A fear of being alone is closely tied to fear of rejection. The more value you place on someone, the stronger the fear will be, so take the emphasis off of him and find ways to value yourself. Discover ways to be “happily single”, independent, and don’t put stock in being fulfilled in your life only if you’re in a relationship. Identify your strengths and recognize what makes you a “good catch.” Cultivate a positive self-image.

The Smart Way to Master Microsoft Office
The computer has wrought many changes to the world both in the personal sphere and the business arena. The application of these changes has often been rather haphazard. Technology was moving forward at such a rapid pace that people were really having a hard time keep up with it. One of the big changes that have taken place in recent years has been a move toward formal training. The development of Certification programs in the field of Internet technology has brought some stability. Training has become the tool that moves people from helplessly trying to keep up to being on top.This fact is true in the business place that uses Microsoft Office software. Microsoft office training disks have been available to give a basic understanding of how these systems operate, but only highly trained users can realize and tap into the amazing potential of this business management tool. If you want to fully master Microsoft Office and have your employees do so as well, advanced training is the best approach to take. Microsoft Office training is available through a worldwide network that has been set up by Microsoft. The instructors in this network have been certified by Microsoft through a program called Microsoft Certified Partners.The Microsoft Certified Partners for Learning Services (MCPLS) program conducts comprehensive traini

pted for who we were as we grew up (and a lot of us still struggle with these issues as adults) because of the messages from society that said being gay is “bad.” This prejudice and discrimination, coupled with the fear of not being accepted, can lead to an extra-hypersensitivity when any kind of rejection is perceived. This can be even more pronounced for those men who experienced banishment from their families or suffered some type of trauma or abuse for being gay. Low self-esteem, the tendency to have a strong need for approval, and to define one’s self-image around what others think of you can be additional culprits in making rejection seem insurmountable.

The Costs Are High!

· What does rejection mean to you?
· What are some of the losses and negative consequences you’ve endured as a result of your fear of rejection, if any?

A Mental Shift Is Required

Tips For Coping With Rejection

A Brief History of Golf Communities in United States
Golf communities began as country clubs and the first country club in the United States is still operating in Brookline, Massachusetts. It is called The Country Club and its prestigious history is part of what keeps this club one of the biggest in the northeast with more than 1300 members. This club was started in 1882 and was not really a golf community at first because golf did not appear until about 10 years later. However, when golf did become a US pastime The Country Club implemented it in stages building a couple holes at a time. Before long golf courses had become an American sport and more golf courses started popping up over the country. The thing about golf courses, though, was that they were expensive to build and required a lot of room. So, making the golf course a club that also sold exclusive real estate was an attractive idea. As a result golf course communities were born and in the beginning they all had the country club appeal of being “the” place to live. That was very lucky for golf course developers who needed money from the sale of the surrounding land to finance the golf course.Today, golf communities are still very popular and more and more of them are popping up across the country as more individuals find that they enjoy the idea of living in a golf course community. For a while only established fam

set is mandatory for conquering the negative effects of a fear of rejection in the dating world. Most struggles with rejection stem from your self-talk, the chatter we all have going on in our heads all the time. What you think affects how you feel which affects how you act, and then they all interrelate with each other. You can create a self-fulfilling prophecy that if you expect rejection, it’ll turn out that way. A lot of our fears of being “dismissed” come from such cognitive distortions (negative thought traps) as catastrophizing (blowing things out of proportion) and mindreading (making unfounded assumptions). You can certainly miss out on golden opportunities for meeting Mr. Right if you expend all your energy on your worries and negative thinking, not to mention that your self-esteem will be undermined and you won’t feel comfortable in your own skin.

Tips For Coping With Rejection

Online Banks: Great Rates, You Win!
Consumers who are looking for decent returns on their monies need look no further than the internet for the best rates. Online or internet banks are growing in popularity as consumers discover that they are great sources for offering optimum rates, customer choice, as well as unmatched convenience. Let’s examine some of the benefits of banking online.Great rates. Sure, in this day of low interest rates, 4% may not sound like a good return on your money, but if you are currently earning .9% through your local bank’s checking account, you can open a money market account paying a much higher rate today. Some online banks have higher minimums than others, while other internet banks simply allow you to open up an account for a few dollars and for a period as short as one year. Even better are those internet banks allowing consumers to open up daily savings accounts. Many of these online institutions are currently paying 3.4% or better and you can make withdrawals from your account at any time without penalties kicking in.Ease of use. All internet banks allow for customers to do their banking from their personal computers. Most have highly secured sites that require users to take several steps before accessing their information. This is particularly helpful if you are concerned about identity theft. The bett

beliefs can have a strong hold over you because they’re trying to protect you against perceived threat or harm, so some of these tips might inspire an “oh please!” or “yeah right!” attitude. Let your mind be open and pick and choose those that might best fit your personality and style. View any resistance you may feel as an indication that your self-protection mechanisms may have been triggered and refuse to be held victim by them any longer.

Ecommerce Hosting
Ecommerce hosting has become prevalent with online shopping market’s growing tremendously. Web hosts companies that charter server spaces for people or firms who do not have a server offer Ecommerce. The web host functions like a landlord to your web address.Ecommerce hosting benefits individuals who are involved in entrepreneur ventures. These services take care of credit card processing, operational monitoring and email services. Among these, operational monitoring ranks as the most critical and most complicated to handle. Since ecommerce hosting is basically business oriented, web hosts need to effectively make certain that your website is stable and is operating 24 hours a day and seven day a week.A good web host supports a tough and reliable system that is relatively available during off peak hours, 24 hours technical support and varied preferences for growth when your business venture demand it.There are ecommerce web hosts who cater to financial support, put forward default-shopping carts, and secure dependable servers and process credit card payments. The secured servers ensure that the customer’s personal information and relative credit card data are handled privately.There is the wide range of ecommerce hosting service available to match the needs and demands of your business. It is a must t

Conclusion

While nobody likes to be rejected, remember that it’s all about perception and that you have total control over the way that you think and interpret things; you have no control over the other person. Reframe your experience of rejection in more positive terms, develop a mindset of acceptance to bounce back quickly, and keep centered on your goals and beliefs in your ability to lead a happy life. Dating is risky business and not for the faint of heart, but can be a rewarding adventure. Don’t let your fears of rejection paralyze your life; live by the mantra NO MORE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES and remember that the main reason Mr. Right will want to be with you is by you being who you inherently are—that’s why he will fall in love with you and vice versa. So be yourself! Keep an ongoing log of affirmations that resonate with you to help you stay upbeat and centered during those difficult times, and in conclusion, here’s a neat way of looking at rejection.

To build resiliency, you must experience disappointment and rejection and failure and learn that one, you can survive it, and two that sometimes the universe has a better plan for you than you had for yourself all along. --- Azriela Jaffe, author of “Starting From No: 10 Strategies to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection and Succeed in Business.”

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

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