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I Advice - Squashing the Gay Relationship Killer Known As Jealousy
Every year millions of dollars are spent investigating and pursuing ways to grow sales. Any business owner knows that sales are the life blood of the company. If there are no sales there is no company, it is that simple!A recent study of 2,663 sales organizations by Think Training, Nightingale Conant, and Trainique uncovered five areas that shed light on what separates the best from the rest (visit http://www.getajobinsales.com/ebook)Issue one - A poorly defined sales process. 82% of all CEO’s said their sales organization had a process that was poorly defined or a process that wasn’t being followed. A sales process is like a road map. If you pay attention it helps you determine if you are in heading in the right or wrong direction. A well defined sales process does the same thing. It should be consultative in nature, have defined steps that allow both parties to develop a better understanding of each other and a set of questions that help you qualify or disqualify.Issue two - Lack of essential skills. 42% of CEO’s said their salespeople lacked the essential basic skills needed to
·Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, bu
When I have looked back and the joint ventures I have been involved in they all stem from three main categories. Everything else is really a combination of 2 or 3 of these.1. Promotion of your productYou can joint venture with a partner and have them promote your product for a set commission (this is very similar to an affiliate program); you might also promote one of your partners products at a later date.2. Creation of a new productYou can joint venture with someone and create a whole new web site or product. Many of the most successful marketers to this since two minds are better than one and they can both work on their strong suits.3. List buildingAnother popular joint venture is helping one another build each other’s list. You could both simply send an email out to your lists and cross-promote one another. You’d get new people from your partners list and they’d go new people from your list.The best joint ventures are a combination of all three, brainstorm ways where you can do all three for you joint venture partners and you will find that more of th
You might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover “the look-over.” You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. Or you might experience it if you have an “open relationship” and you know your partner is out “tricking.” Whatever its form, jealousy can take on many different faces and it can kill your relationship if it’s not managed appropriately. If you’re the one who’s afflicted with jealousy, it can torment and consume you, zapping you of all security and contentment. If you’re the partner of a jealous lover, your frustration at having to “walk on eggshells” and constantly reassure your guy of your commitment to him can be maddening.
Jealousy is not bad in and of itself. It is a feeling and all our feelings are ok; it’s what we do with them that can mean the difference between relationship calm and relationship storm. Jealousy can actually benefit your partnership in its mildest form. But if it is a recurrent, pervasive theme that seems to dominate the climate of your relationship, it can sabotage your future together and lead to a lot of hurt and grief. This article will address some of the dynamics involved in jealousy and offer some tips for you and your partner in overcoming and defeating it.
Jealousy & Its Causes
Jealousy can be defined as a feeling that arises from a perceived threat to your relationship. It almost always involves fear—fear of loss of abandonment or losing your partner, fear of being replaced with someone else, fear of not being important enough anymore and being excluded, etc. This significantly impacts one’s self-esteem and leads to insecurity and using self-defeating behaviors to ward off these painful feelings and gain a sense of control (although it never really accomplishes that and creates vicious cycles of the same dysfunctional behavior over and over again). Self-defeating behaviors might include spying on your partner, excessive clinginess toward him, constant questioning of his whereabouts and activities, among others.
What are the causes of jealousy? There are “inner” and “outer” causes. Inner causes might include low self-esteem and confidence (believing one is unattractive or unworthy of being in a healthy relationship), a past history of experiences that created distrust, and beliefs that one will be single forever if he loses his partner. External causes might include how one’s partner acts (expressing interest or flirting with someone else) or the actual involvement of a third person in the relationship. “Factors that seem to affect the susceptibility to jealousy include the length and stability of the relationship, maturity, dependence, and level of self-esteem of the individuals, their expectations for emotional gratification, and the perceived availability of alternatives to the primary relationship (Neidig & Friedman, 1984).
Low levels of jealousy can actually be positive for your relationship. It can be a signal that something’s “off” between the two of you. It can help partners feel cared for and be an indication to not take each other for granted. It can also increase communication, commitment, and sexual intensity. “Jealousy becomes problematic when it is expressed indirectly, is experienced compulsively, becomes irrational, or leads to extreme levels of vigilance and control” (Neidig & Friedman, 1984). The major consequence is that it also leads to a severe break-down in the level of trust and intimacy between the two men, core ingredients that are necessary for a healthy relationship to last. And the other paradoxical effect of jealousy is that it can create the very outcome that is feared and dreaded the most---the ending of the relationship.
Tips For Conquering the Jealousy Beast
If you are the one suffering from jealousy… *Acknowledge your jealousy. Avoid minimizing or denying its existence. Recognize that you are not your jealousy—it is a part of you, one aspect of you that you can learn to manage. Admitting its power over you is the first step to conquering it.
*Identify the cause of your jealousy. What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Work on developing more effective ways to cope with these specific emotions.
*Keep a journal and write about your experience of jealousy and what it means to you. Ask yourself such questions as:
·Do I trust my partner and believe what he says?
·Am I projecting my own issues and feelings onto him and blaming him? What is my jealousy really about?
·What hurts? What’s missing in my life?
·What are the consequences of my jealousy? What do I get out of it that may be perpetuating it?
·Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, bui
Lucrative Internet Marketing – Things You Need to Know to have a Powerful Internet MarketingLet’s face it. Competition is really tight if you are making a business online. Everyone is using the same method to make sure that they would be able to get the attention of the people. They all want to be the best. So to make sure that you are one of those who are really the best, make sure to check on the best strategy for your online business. Learn how to market your products online. This is the only way to go.Here are some strategies.1. Make use of the signature box. Your signature is very important for people to be able to distinguish you. So do not forget to include this when you are sending emails. Once you got your target visitors in your site, make sure to think of ways on how to maintain them and buy your products.2. Get a different approach with your content. You would not want your web designs be ignored if your contents do not make sense. Create a site that would target right away the information needed for your web site. It should be original. Also, do not forget that y
Jealousy & Its Causes
Jealousy can be defined as a feeling that arises from a perceived threat to your relationship. It almost always involves fear—fear of loss of abandonment or losing your partner, fear of being replaced with someone else, fear of not being important enough anymore and being excluded, etc. This significantly impacts one’s self-esteem and leads to insecurity and using self-defeating behaviors to ward off these painful feelings and gain a sense of control (although it never really accomplishes that and creates vicious cycles of the same dysfunctional behavior over and over again). Self-defeating behaviors might include spying on your partner, excessive clinginess toward him, constant questioning of his whereabouts and activities, among others.
What are the causes of jealousy? There are “inner” and “outer” causes. Inner causes might include low self-esteem and confidence (believing one is unattractive or unworthy of being in a healthy relationship), a past history of experiences that created distrust, and beliefs that one will be single forever if he loses his partner. External causes might include how one’s partner acts (expressing interest or flirting with someone else) or the actual involvement of a third person in the relationship. “Factors that seem to affect the susceptibility to jealousy include the length and stability of the relationship, maturity, dependence, and level of self-esteem of the individuals, their expectations for emotional gratification, and the perceived availability of alternatives to the primary relationship (Neidig & Friedman, 1984).
Low levels of jealousy can actually be positive for your relationship. It can be a signal that something’s “off” between the two of you. It can help partners feel cared for and be an indication to not take each other for granted. It can also increase communication, commitment, and sexual intensity. “Jealousy becomes problematic when it is expressed indirectly, is experienced compulsively, becomes irrational, or leads to extreme levels of vigilance and control” (Neidig & Friedman, 1984). The major consequence is that it also leads to a severe break-down in the level of trust and intimacy between the two men, core ingredients that are necessary for a healthy relationship to last. And the other paradoxical effect of jealousy is that it can create the very outcome that is feared and dreaded the most---the ending of the relationship.
Tips For Conquering the Jealousy Beast
If you are the one suffering from jealousy… *Acknowledge your jealousy. Avoid minimizing or denying its existence. Recognize that you are not your jealousy—it is a part of you, one aspect of you that you can learn to manage. Admitting its power over you is the first step to conquering it.
*Identify the cause of your jealousy. What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Work on developing more effective ways to cope with these specific emotions.
*Keep a journal and write about your experience of jealousy and what it means to you. Ask yourself such questions as:
·Do I trust my partner and believe what he says?
·Am I projecting my own issues and feelings onto him and blaming him? What is my jealousy really about?
·What hurts? What’s missing in my life?
·What are the consequences of my jealousy? What do I get out of it that may be perpetuating it?
·Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, bu
You have two or more major credit cards comfortably snug inside your wallet. You are quite proud of them and they seem to act like your security blanket. But are you sure that security is the commodity being offered by the credit cards? The credit cards offer immediacy. That is, you can immediately purchase an item you like using your credit cards. Without the plastic, you will have to scrimp and save for weeks or months before you can afford that certain item. With credit cards, you incur a debt each time you have the plastics swiped. And, looking closely at the debt balance, you notice that it wasn’t reduced much each time you pay.To get out of a debt or a loan, the best you can do is not to pay your minimum balance. Each time you pay the minimum balance, you are letting the credit card company or the lender take as much interest as they can out of your hard-earned money. A debt of $3,000 may not seem much and you certainly can take care of this in less than six months. But your minimum balance reflected in your statement of account is surprisingly small. You smile. Do you really thi
Low levels of jealousy can actually be positive for your relationship. It can be a signal that something’s “off” between the two of you. It can help partners feel cared for and be an indication to not take each other for granted. It can also increase communication, commitment, and sexual intensity. “Jealousy becomes problematic when it is expressed indirectly, is experienced compulsively, becomes irrational, or leads to extreme levels of vigilance and control” (Neidig & Friedman, 1984). The major consequence is that it also leads to a severe break-down in the level of trust and intimacy between the two men, core ingredients that are necessary for a healthy relationship to last. And the other paradoxical effect of jealousy is that it can create the very outcome that is feared and dreaded the most---the ending of the relationship.
Tips For Conquering the Jealousy Beast
If you are the one suffering from jealousy… *Acknowledge your jealousy. Avoid minimizing or denying its existence. Recognize that you are not your jealousy—it is a part of you, one aspect of you that you can learn to manage. Admitting its power over you is the first step to conquering it.
*Identify the cause of your jealousy. What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Work on developing more effective ways to cope with these specific emotions.
*Keep a journal and write about your experience of jealousy and what it means to you. Ask yourself such questions as:
·Do I trust my partner and believe what he says?
·Am I projecting my own issues and feelings onto him and blaming him? What is my jealousy really about?
·What hurts? What’s missing in my life?
·What are the consequences of my jealousy? What do I get out of it that may be perpetuating it?
·Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, bu
One of the most important things you can do online, when you are building a list, is to use a squeeze page as your landing page.So what is a landing page? A landing page is the web page which your visitor gets to first when they come to your web site – the place where they ‘land’. This landing page can be your main page, your index page, a sales page, or any other kind of page – it is nothing special, in and of itself, it is just the place where your visitors go to first at your web site.Now a squeeze page only has some content, and then a compelling reason to opt in to an email list. That’s it. By definition, the squeeze page is designed to ‘squeeze’ your visitor into the opt in email list by providing no other option, except to opt in. Now this means no links to other pages, this means no pay per click advertising, nothing. Maybe a contact page – but why? The squeeze page is designed to convert visitors into subscribers.Now, why the incredible push to have a squeeze page first? You might be thinking, but why not my sales page first? I mean, that is what you are doing, rig
Tips For Conquering the Jealousy Beast
If you are the one suffering from jealousy… *Acknowledge your jealousy. Avoid minimizing or denying its existence. Recognize that you are not your jealousy—it is a part of you, one aspect of you that you can learn to manage. Admitting its power over you is the first step to conquering it.
*Identify the cause of your jealousy. What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Work on developing more effective ways to cope with these specific emotions.
*Keep a journal and write about your experience of jealousy and what it means to you. Ask yourself such questions as:
·Do I trust my partner and believe what he says?
·Am I projecting my own issues and feelings onto him and blaming him? What is my jealousy really about?
·What hurts? What’s missing in my life?
·What are the consequences of my jealousy? What do I get out of it that may be perpetuating it?
·Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, bu
It is a fact that at one point in time or another nearly all entrepreneurs need a bank business loan, either to start up the enterprise, expend it, or to bridge difficult times when the consumer turns fickle. Of the many lenders and types of loans available, a bank business loan will probably be the best bet for starting the venture. A bank business loan is often the best way to establish and maintain your venture's credit rating, if it is fastidiously repaid.But, if you are experiencing financial problems, is a bank business loan a good idea to use to get current on the debts? Just what is a bank business loan and what is the application procedure? A bank business loan is an unsecured loan that does not require collateral of any kind. It is based entirely upon the credit rating of all of the involved partners; the prospectus or the plan that was developed that outlines the venture, including both the financial liabilities and the anticipated income. You will have to provide well-organized and scrupulous detail, together with a good credit rating for this type of loan. A bank business loan
·Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, build your support system, and seek out social outlets that inspire a sense of fun and purpose.
*Build your self-esteem by taking safe risks that boost your confidence and allow you to see the strengths you possess.
If you are the partner of a jealous lover… *Be patient and endure through this difficult period. Understand how painful and difficult it is for your partner and empathize and validate his feelings. Provide reassurances of your love, but don’t enable his behavior.
*Take care of yourself. Practice good stress management for emotional wellness.
*Identify ways you might be able to support your partner and show how you value him. Explore your own behavior to determine if you’re reinforcing your lover’s jealousies in any way.
And finally, together as a couple… *Identify if the jealousy has its roots in an underlying problem in your relationship. What’s missing? Are there any unmet needs that require your attention?
*Don’t make assumptions! Avoid mind-reading and always check feelings or thoughts that you may have with each other.
*This is a great opportunity to open the channels of communication and see if any new boundaries or “relationship rules” need to be re-negotiated, created, or dropped.
*Make your relationship a #1 priority! Spend lots of quality time together and engage in activities that will re-vitalize your bond and restore some of that damaged trust and intimacy.
Conclusion
Jealousy doesn’t have to rule your life. Make a commitment to aggressively minimize its influence so that there will be more energy available for your own self-care and for enriching your relationship. These are the things that really matter. So squash that bugger before it has the chance to contaminate what the two of you have worked so hard to build. Convert that jealousy into passion for yourself and for your partner and before long you’ll no longer heed Jealousy’s evil whispers. You can do it!
*Reference: Neidig, Peter H. & Friedman, Dale H. (1984). Spouse Abuse: A Treatment Program for Couples. Champaign, IL: Research Press Company.
©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples,as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
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