I Advice
Hubs | Hubbers | Topics | Request
#1 in Business Subscribe Email Print

You are here: Home > Business > Negotiation > Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational Negotiation

Tags
  • lawsuits
  • immediately apparent
  • although thats
  • offer however
    		•

    Links
  • Become A Millionaire in 365 days?
  • How to Preserve Your Memories in a Wedding Scrapbook
  • Purpose Driven Life
    		•

    I Advice - Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational Negotiation

    Your Employees Deserve More Than Money For Their Effort
    Most people want to matter and be part of something special. We spend 2000+ hours at work. This equals approximately 20% of all the hours in a year. We sleep 30-35%. There's 45-50% of the hours in a year left to us to travel, eat, do whatever chores we have, sit in traffic, shower and brush our teeth, clean our houses, set goals, visit family and friends, shop - and whatever else it is you do with your time.Point is, leaders need to be aware that their employees are exchanging 1/5 of their valuable time for something provided through your organization. For some, exchanging time for money is enough, but most require more. Like I said earlier, people want to matter and be part of something special. They want to stretch and be challenged and be a part of something larger than themselves. They want to grow and see a pattern of g
    feel exactly the same way as you do right now. However, there are some remarkable similarities between the work I've been doing and what you're looking for that are not immediately apparent. Let me tell you what they are."

  • If you're a salesperson and the buyer says, "I hear that you people have problems in your shipping department," arguing with him will make him doubt your objectivity. Instead, say, "I understand how you could have heard that because I've heard it too. I think that rumor may have started a few years ago when we relocated our warehouse; but now major companies such as General Motors and General Electric trust us with their just-in-time inventories, and we never have a problem."

  • If the other person says, "I don't believe in buying from off-shore suppliers. I think we should keep the jobs in this country," the more you argue th
    4 Ways To Non-blatantly Promote Yourself At Work
    The clich? says that if you don’t toot your own horn, nobody else will. Unfortunately, this is quite often true. Of course, occasionally we might garner unexpected praise for an accomplishment or a success. But the truth is that most of your successes occur in the smaller arenas, but they pave the way for the high profile successes of your department and your organization.How can you bring attention to your skills and accomplishments without coming across as an attention-seeker or brownie-points-gatherer? Here are some ideas:1) Present your idea or accomplishment by asking for feedback. Go to the people whose opinions matter, such as your boss or a colleague who is an opinion leader. Say something like, “I did some serious work on this last week, and I think I came up with an exciting new angle. I’d like you t
    What you say in the first few moments of a negotiation often sets the climate of the negotiation. The other person quickly gets a feel for whether you are working for a win-win solution, or whether you're a tough negotiator who's out for everything they can get.

    That's one problem that I have with the way that attorneys negotiate-they're very confrontational negotiators. You get that white envelope in the mail with black, raised lettering in the top left hand corner and you think, "Oh, no! What is it this time?" You open the letter and what's the first communication from them? It's a threat. What they're going to do to you, if you don't give them what they want.

    I remember conducting a seminar for 50 attorneys who litigated medical malpractice lawsuits, or as they prefer to call them, physician liability lawsuits. I've never met an attorney who was eager to go to a negotiating seminar, although that's what they do for a living, and these people were no exception to the rule. However, the organization that was giving the attorneys their business told them that they were expected to attend my seminar if they wanted to get any more cases from the organization. So the attorneys weren't too happy about having to spend Saturday with me in the first place, but once we got started, they became involved and were having a good time. I got them absorbed in a workshop involving a surgeon being sued over an unfortunate incident involving a nun and walked around the room to see how they were doing. I couldn't believe how confrontational they were being. Most of them started with a vicious threat and then became more abusive from that point on. I had to stop the exercise and tell them that if they wanted to settle the case without expensive litigation (and I doubted their motives on that score) that they should never be confrontational in the early stages of the negotiation.

    So, be careful what you say at the beginning. If the other person takes a position with which you totally disagree, don't argue. Arguing always intensifies the other person's desire to prove himself or herself right. You're much better off to agree with the other person initially and then turn it around using the Feel, Felt, Found formula. Respond with, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do right now. (Now you have diffused that competitive spirit. You're not arguing with them, you're agreeing with them.) But you know what we have always found? When we take a closer look at it, we have always found that . ."

    Let's look at some examples:

  • You're selling something, and the other person says, "Your price is way too high." If you argue with him, he has a personal stake in proving you wrong and himself right. Instead, you say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do when they first hear the price. When they take a closer look at what we offer, however, they have always found that we offer the best value in the marketplace."

  • You're applying for a job, and the human resources director says, "I don't think you have enough experience in this field." If you respond with "I've handled much tougher jobs that this in the past," it may come across as, "I'm right and you're wrong." It's just going to force her to defend the position she's taken. Instead, say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people would feel exactly the same way as you do right now. However, there are some remarkable similarities between the work I've been doing and what you're looking for that are not immediately apparent. Let me tell you what they are."

  • If you're a salesperson and the buyer says, "I hear that you people have problems in your shipping department," arguing with him will make him doubt your objectivity. Instead, say, "I understand how you could have heard that because I've heard it too. I think that rumor may have started a few years ago when we relocated our warehouse; but now major companies such as General Motors and General Electric trust us with their just-in-time inventories, and we never have a problem."

  • If the other person says, "I don't believe in buying from off-shore suppliers. I think we should keep the jobs in this country," the more you argue the
    Business Administration Websites
    Taking the initiative to start your own business is both a risk and an adventure. It is a risk because a person cannot actually predict the future of a business. Will it fail? Will it become a success? Will my product or service eventually become a household name? One can never say.Starting a business is also an adventure because, along the way, a person gets to try his hand at things in completely new territory. He meets new people, faces new challenges and gets hands-on experience while playing the field. More often than not, one of the important factors that make or break a business is management.Management is also known as business administration. Oftentimes, when a person refers to management, he is actually referring to the governing body that makes the business run. This governing body could be composed of just
    r to go to a negotiating seminar, although that's what they do for a living, and these people were no exception to the rule. However, the organization that was giving the attorneys their business told them that they were expected to attend my seminar if they wanted to get any more cases from the organization. So the attorneys weren't too happy about having to spend Saturday with me in the first place, but once we got started, they became involved and were having a good time. I got them absorbed in a workshop involving a surgeon being sued over an unfortunate incident involving a nun and walked around the room to see how they were doing. I couldn't believe how confrontational they were being. Most of them started with a vicious threat and then became more abusive from that point on. I had to stop the exercise and tell them that if they wanted to settle the case without expensive litigation (and I doubted their motives on that score) that they should never be confrontational in the early stages of the negotiation.

    So, be careful what you say at the beginning. If the other person takes a position with which you totally disagree, don't argue. Arguing always intensifies the other person's desire to prove himself or herself right. You're much better off to agree with the other person initially and then turn it around using the Feel, Felt, Found formula. Respond with, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do right now. (Now you have diffused that competitive spirit. You're not arguing with them, you're agreeing with them.) But you know what we have always found? When we take a closer look at it, we have always found that . ."

    Let's look at some examples:

  • You're selling something, and the other person says, "Your price is way too high." If you argue with him, he has a personal stake in proving you wrong and himself right. Instead, you say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do when they first hear the price. When they take a closer look at what we offer, however, they have always found that we offer the best value in the marketplace."

  • You're applying for a job, and the human resources director says, "I don't think you have enough experience in this field." If you respond with "I've handled much tougher jobs that this in the past," it may come across as, "I'm right and you're wrong." It's just going to force her to defend the position she's taken. Instead, say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people would feel exactly the same way as you do right now. However, there are some remarkable similarities between the work I've been doing and what you're looking for that are not immediately apparent. Let me tell you what they are."

  • If you're a salesperson and the buyer says, "I hear that you people have problems in your shipping department," arguing with him will make him doubt your objectivity. Instead, say, "I understand how you could have heard that because I've heard it too. I think that rumor may have started a few years ago when we relocated our warehouse; but now major companies such as General Motors and General Electric trust us with their just-in-time inventories, and we never have a problem."

  • If the other person says, "I don't believe in buying from off-shore suppliers. I think we should keep the jobs in this country," the more you argue th
    Are Your People On A Chain?
    I am finally reading “The 8th Habit” by Stephen Covey. It seems to be a great book so far. One of the nice things about this book is that it includes a website that has short videos about some of the topics, so you can watch the video and then go back to the book which makes the learning experience much better.One of the videos makes the comparison of how a leader “manages” his prize hunting dog and his new employee. And after I watched the video, I had to laugh because I have experienced many similar situations in the workplace. The dog is not allowed to go into the water, he must stay on the grass. One day the “leader” drops his hat into the water. His dog immediately jumps into the water and brings the hat back to his master, hoping to receive praise for his efforts. What he gets is a loud voice telling him that he
    out expensive litigation (and I doubted their motives on that score) that they should never be confrontational in the early stages of the negotiation.

    So, be careful what you say at the beginning. If the other person takes a position with which you totally disagree, don't argue. Arguing always intensifies the other person's desire to prove himself or herself right. You're much better off to agree with the other person initially and then turn it around using the Feel, Felt, Found formula. Respond with, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do right now. (Now you have diffused that competitive spirit. You're not arguing with them, you're agreeing with them.) But you know what we have always found? When we take a closer look at it, we have always found that . ."

    Let's look at some examples:

  • You're selling something, and the other person says, "Your price is way too high." If you argue with him, he has a personal stake in proving you wrong and himself right. Instead, you say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do when they first hear the price. When they take a closer look at what we offer, however, they have always found that we offer the best value in the marketplace."

  • You're applying for a job, and the human resources director says, "I don't think you have enough experience in this field." If you respond with "I've handled much tougher jobs that this in the past," it may come across as, "I'm right and you're wrong." It's just going to force her to defend the position she's taken. Instead, say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people would feel exactly the same way as you do right now. However, there are some remarkable similarities between the work I've been doing and what you're looking for that are not immediately apparent. Let me tell you what they are."

  • If you're a salesperson and the buyer says, "I hear that you people have problems in your shipping department," arguing with him will make him doubt your objectivity. Instead, say, "I understand how you could have heard that because I've heard it too. I think that rumor may have started a few years ago when we relocated our warehouse; but now major companies such as General Motors and General Electric trust us with their just-in-time inventories, and we never have a problem."

  • If the other person says, "I don't believe in buying from off-shore suppliers. I think we should keep the jobs in this country," the more you argue th
    E-Procurement
    E-Procurement is the process of purchasing goods electronically. The various stages of electronic procurement include identifying vendors or suppliers, placing orders and the arrival of goods. E-procurement helps to improve the efficiency of the purchase process and decreases the cost involved in traditional purchasing. Most of the paper work is eliminated, thereby cutting the cost and time required reaping benefits often to the tune of millions of dollars.Studies indicate that a firm can enjoy returns that may measure up to 300% of the initial investment in just three years. The increasing number of success stories point to the growing recognition of e-procurement advantages. This indicates an increased optimism towards automation in spite of the slowing down of global economy. Some companies have adopted automation at all
    >

  • You're selling something, and the other person says, "Your price is way too high." If you argue with him, he has a personal stake in proving you wrong and himself right. Instead, you say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do when they first hear the price. When they take a closer look at what we offer, however, they have always found that we offer the best value in the marketplace."

  • You're applying for a job, and the human resources director says, "I don't think you have enough experience in this field." If you respond with "I've handled much tougher jobs that this in the past," it may come across as, "I'm right and you're wrong." It's just going to force her to defend the position she's taken. Instead, say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people would feel exactly the same way as you do right now. However, there are some remarkable similarities between the work I've been doing and what you're looking for that are not immediately apparent. Let me tell you what they are."

  • If you're a salesperson and the buyer says, "I hear that you people have problems in your shipping department," arguing with him will make him doubt your objectivity. Instead, say, "I understand how you could have heard that because I've heard it too. I think that rumor may have started a few years ago when we relocated our warehouse; but now major companies such as General Motors and General Electric trust us with their just-in-time inventories, and we never have a problem."

  • If the other person says, "I don't believe in buying from off-shore suppliers. I think we should keep the jobs in this country," the more you argue th
    Supervisor Training: Training Your Supervisors To Train
    Supervisors certainly have a lot of responsibilities these days, and increasing now that technology has cleared their plate of the mundane. Yet despite all their responsibilities, perhaps the most important is the one they are least prepared to take on: training employees.Promotions, marketing strategy implementation, and customer service to name a few, are all key job responsibilities that we expect supervisors to flawlessly execute. But just how prepared are they to do so? This is where training comes into play.Management fully expects supervisors to properly train their employees to consistently perform at a high-level. But in many cases management fails to properly train their supervisors on how to successfully train their employees. So when employee job-performance is below expectations, whose really at fault
    feel exactly the same way as you do right now. However, there are some remarkable similarities between the work I've been doing and what you're looking for that are not immediately apparent. Let me tell you what they are."

  • If you're a salesperson and the buyer says, "I hear that you people have problems in your shipping department," arguing with him will make him doubt your objectivity. Instead, say, "I understand how you could have heard that because I've heard it too. I think that rumor may have started a few years ago when we relocated our warehouse; but now major companies such as General Motors and General Electric trust us with their just-in-time inventories, and we never have a problem."

  • If the other person says, "I don't believe in buying from off-shore suppliers. I think we should keep the jobs in this country," the more you argue the more you'll force him into defending his position. Instead, say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that, because these days many other people feel exactly the same way as you do. But do you know what we have found? Since we have been having the initial assembly done in Thailand, we have actually been able to increase our American work force by more than 42 percent and this is why . . ."

    So instead of arguing up front, which creates confrontational negotiation, get in the habit of agreeing and then turning it around.

    At my seminars, I sometimes ask a person in the front row to stand. As I hold my two hands out, with my palms facing toward the person I've asked to stand, I ask him to place his hands against mine. Having done that and without saying another word, I gently start to push against him. Automatically, without any instruction, he always begins to push back. People shove when you shove them. Similarly, when you argue with someone, it automatically makes him or her want to argue back.

    The other great thing about Feel, Felt, Found is that it gives you time to think. Sometimes something will come up in a negotiation that you weren't expecting. You haven't heard anything like this before. It shocks you. You don't know what to say; but if you have Feel, Felt, Found in the back of your mind, you can say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way. However, I have always found . . ." By the time you get there, you'll have thought of something to say. Similarly, you sometimes catch other people at a bad moment. You may be a salesperson who is calling to get an appointment and the person says to you, "I don't have any more time to waste talking to some lying scum-sucking salesperson." You calmly say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way. However . . ." By the time you get there you will have recovered your composure and will know exactly what to say.

    Key points to remember:

    Don't argue with people in the early stages of the negotiation because it creates confrontation.

    Use the Feel, Felt, Found formula to turn the hostility around.

    Having Feel, Felt, Found in the back of your mind gives you time to think when the other side throws some unexpected hostility your way.

    • HTTP = HTML link (for blogs, profiles,phorums):
    <a href="http://www.willuadd.com/article/31318/willuadd-Setting-the-Climate-for-a-NonConfrontational-Negotiation.html">Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational Negotiation</a>

    BB link (for phorums):
    [url=http://www.willuadd.com/article/31318/willuadd-Setting-the-Climate-for-a-NonConfrontational-Negotiation.html]Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational Negotiation[/url]

    Related Articles:

    Intuition – The Gut Brain for Business Success

    Are you missing opportunities to increase sales and your business success? By the way, how is your intuition?

    How to Walk Away from an Opportunity that's Wrong for You

    Q. I just finished a job interview. Everything went well. But I can't get excited about the job. The people were nice but frankly, I got bored. Should I withdraw my application or...

    25 Ways To Make Your Next Direct Mail Campaign Work

    This list contains 25 powerful strategies to improve your direct mail results. It would be wise to use this as a checklist to ensure you’ve included as many as possible in your advertising. Any one of these strategies could measurably boost your response. How many of these are you using?

    Bookmark it: del.icio.us digg.com reddit.com netvouz.com google.com yahoo.com technorati.com furl.net bloglines.com socialdust.com ma.gnolia.com newsvine.com slashdot.org simpy.com shadows.com blinklist.com